Hopeful while struggling...

This has been one hell of a month! There have been so many ups and downs, and so many unexpected emotions, it's a wonder I am still standing!! I have cried more tears....and faced some frustration and pain that I didn't know was there until it appeared.  With that, I cannot say that my hope has vanished. It is still there, shaky but present.
You see, some things in life are tragic. And they affect us whether we acknowledge it or not. The suicide of my father left marks that will forever remain, though the pain is duller. The memory of him remains steady in my heart-every day. 
A couple of weeks ago, I was at a friends watching a movie. And in the movie, a girl put a gun to her head, and pulled the trigger. I was undone. The tears....and I couldn't breathe....I didn't anticipate this reaction. AT ALL. I have come to terms with a lot. But there is a lot of healing left to be done apparently, because that moment opened up a door to things locked away.
This doesn't make me less strong, less brave, or less capable. I think when we can admit we are affected, that is where the strength comes from! To be able to say it out loud, and admit that this awful thing happened, and that it hurt. And it still does. 
But I made it through that moment, and each day since. Continuing the journey to make this world better and show people that tragedy happens, but we can overcome.
This new person that I see in the mirror is quite a woman. She is feisty, and a little nuts, and she has bravery that comes from deep within. She overcomes every day, quietly, and with a smile on her face.
See, I have been to the darkest of places, and every day manage to see the light in this world, and in myself. I haven't given up, and I hope you don't.
Show this world love, joy, laughter, tears, and BRAVERY. You don't have to hide yourself just because people tell you to. Have the courage to be who you are, and let that be enough.

God bless!

Facing YOUR Giants

Sometimes, I think we see mountains bigger than they are. And we react with fear, because we don't know how we will manage. And that sets off a chain of events, that most likely could have been avoided. We tend to believe the worst in ourselves, instead of the best. Doubt is a bravery killer!!!! And the more we doubt, the less we accomplish.

I found myself, doubting my worth, falling into a pattern of settling for less. And that's a hard rut to get out of, because it seeps into EVERY area of life. Whether it be work, family, or relationships, failure is inevitable if you continue to beat yourself up and doubt your worth.

One day(recently), I just woke up different. I know who I am(and occasionally it is a little nutty). But I am proud of where I am! I earned every moment of joy that is happening-because I know what it's like to have NONE. I know what it is like to wake up EVERY DAY without hope, or purpose. I know what heartbreak and devastation is. I lived it. And then, with the support of some AMAZING people, I found my brave!

I have a ways to go in this journey, but I finally learned that the world does not define me-I DO. And there will always be trials, and bumps, and the occasional bruise-but with hope, faith, and a new perspective, life changes. For the better.

So hang in there, and know that what you are going through, so is someone else out there. You are NEVER, EVER, completely alone!!!! Be brave, reach out, and let the world know that you need help, support, or just a hand to hold for a bit-it doesn't make you weak, it makes you BRAVE.

All my love,

Kris

Facing the World

Some days, facing the world is tough. When you're tired, broke, and overwhelmed, it's hard to find brave. It's hard to smile. To breathe. To function. Bravery is being able to admit that sometimes, life isn't picture perfect. Sometimes, we don't have it all together. It's what we do from there that constitutes bravery.
One small step, one shaky smile, one hug. Whatever it may be, just do that. Do that one thing, that shows the world you are trying. You are hanging on for dear life, because you are a warrior! You don't lay down and give up, you LOOK UP! Trust in the journey that God is taking you on, no matter what bumps you hit! Don't let the negative side of this world take over your thoughts, because that's when you miss the opportunity to grow.
I want to be able to tell others that yes, I walked through the fire and darkness, and I got singed a bit, but I made it to the other side-and oh, what beauty was waiting!!!!
So, my friends, don't quit. Pull that inner bravery out-and show the world what you are truly made of!
DEFEAT IS NOT AN OPTION!!!!!

Today I was brave, at least in my mind. I got up, and I got busy. I truly didn't want to. I wanted to sit here, and be mad at the world because things didn't go the way I planned-AT ALL. It seems like, this week, everything I touched, I screwed it up just a little(or a lot). I don't like that my mouth speaks before my mind can process things. I do not like that I am super emotional, or that the little things seem to get to me. But God made me, and He doesn't make mistakes. He has a purpose for each and every moment of my life, no matter how much I fight it.
So I got up.
I made the coffee.
I did the stuff.
I went to church.
And I came home, and cried like a baby.
I don't know why emotions overwhelm to the point of tears. I do know that I am too hard on myself, and I don't know how to stop doing that. I rise, and I fall.  I get up tomorrow, and I do it all again.
So I guess today, bravery is the fact that I am sharing this.
These things that make me who I am.
The fact that no matter what, I still feel as if I have failed.
I know that there is victory.
In my life, it comes quietly, and unexpectedly.
I know that I have amazing people in my world.
I know that my heart hurts-every day.
I know that tears come, even when I fight them.
I know that God is with me, even when I doubt Him.
And I know that tomorrow, I will dig in, and rise above.
Be brave.

As you see in this pic, the road disappears. That's when faith kicks in, and bravery begins!

Dented bravery.......

Today, it was rough. A bit of a dent in the brave department. I let negativity of others dim the light quite a bit. So tomorrow's battle will be a bit harder to fight. It's always a tough one when your emotions win. Bad luck, I can deal with that. But when it's a shot to the heart, that's a bigger battle. I can't imagine not being there for my friends and family when they need me. It's what you do when someone is hurting. Even if you're tired, or busy, or just plain don't feel like it. That's what the human connection thrives on. And I tried to reach out to "friends". And failed. Miserably. Maybe I'm not built for such things. God only knows. But when your heart falls to the floor, what do you do? You look for comfort and support. And when access to that is denied, you slip deeper into the sadness.
I don't anticipate this will last long, but I do know that some days, the tears flow. And I get tired of doing it alone. So tomorrow I will adjust the dent in my armor, and go at it again.
Because I don't quit.
Because I am strong.
Because I am brave.

Progress-trust in the process

What a couple of months we have had!

Bravery continues as I walk the road less traveled, finding brave new adventures around every corner!

I find myself, each and every day, putting to rest the past. And actually being excited about the future and what it holds. To see light shining in places that were once dark, that is progress! The world looks different than it did a few months ago, and bravery played a part in that. Gathering up courage and taking the leap to start a new career, and praying for the strength to follow it through has been a process. And proudly, I can say I am doing it! One step, one moment, one task at a time. With help from an amazing group of people who I respect and look to for guidance. In the short time they have been part of my world, I have seen grace, courage, persistence, determination, and BRAVERY. They face things daily that we don't know, and they continue to show up, and give everything they have to this community, with the hope of improving it. And they face obstacles at every turn! But they carry on because they believe in what they are doing, and look towards the future with HOPE. That is the definition of bravery for today! I am honored to be a part of this team. I cannot wait to see where we go, and what we can accomplish-together.

So if you think today that you cannot do something-think again! Life is full of curve balls, and bumps in the road. Don't stop there, just because it seems impossible. Climb the mountain and see what it looks like when you get to the top. I guarantee, your perspective will have changed by the time you get their.

So the question remains, HOW BIG IS YOUR BRAVE???

Take care, and God Bless!

Small World

Today, I went with a friend to see her mother, who resides at a nursing home. And little did I know that the world would come full circle. It turns out, I had known her mother several years before, and gotten great words of advice and wisdom! Who knew this trip would remind me of some very valuable teaching? I hadn't thought of this advice in a while, and as I sat at home after my friend left, I reflected on the journey. What kind of bravery did it take for her to ask me into this part of her life? And courage? To share this part of life is sometimes difficult, and I am honored that she chose me.

I had spent the weekend alone for the most part, and some painful things had happened. And I was working through the pain. Slowly, and with many tears.

Going with my friend brought more tears, and joy, and conversation that was, well....to say life altering doesn't even seem to cover it! This woman's faith and strength amaze me every time we are together. She has faced many things, just as I have. And I can only hope to learn to carry the burdens a bit more gracefully. It's a work in progress, as always.

So my bravery today came. Quietly, almost tiptoeing into the room. Mostly because I wasn't paying attention-at first. Today's moment came at the end of it all. That moment when I realized, I am still standing...and breathing....and smiling through the tears. Because today, I saw God working on me in a way I didn't expect. He gave me a burden, and toughened me up a bit! He showed me that I am stronger every day, in faith and in courage. It doesn't take a genius to figure out that He is turning me into a warrior! And there is beauty in that. Not everyone can face life or take on what has been put in front of them-but I continue to do so with a smile on my face and love in my heart. I don't lose the love and joy, just because of a moment. And I don't quit. Ever.

So, here it is. Another day closing. Another door shut. And tomorrow, a new possibility will rise with the sun....challenge accepted? I say YES!

May you always remember that the biggest trials, the painful heartaches, the moment where the world shuts you out......maybe it's because there is something greater on the horizon-so don't quit! Keep moving towards the light, and walk with a purpose. We all are put here for a reason. Find yours.

A new journey!

So, today was a new kind of brave. I left the career of the last 28 years. Completely changing what I will be doing. And scared to death. The bravery came when I walked away with a smile, knowing that I have made a difference. The people I have cared for, and the people I have worked with have changed me. For the better. I have learned compassion, empathy, tolerance, dignity........the list goes on. I found myself at the crossroad, and for once in my life, I didn't RUN. I stood my ground, held my head up, and walked tall(as tall as you can be at 4'10"). I stepped out into the sun, and let the joy wash over me. What a glorious new beginning....and it felt AMAZING! I give God the glory, because He sends me where he needs me. And I follow, because I trust in HIS plan, not my own. Life throws us many things, and we can face them, or we can hide. That's where bravery whispers....you can do this. It is your time. You are strong and fearless. You are BRAVE.

Stay tuned....can't wait to see what comes next!!!

Fearless - [Lyric Video] Jasmine Murray

Victory-it comes in small doses.

So in today's journey towards bravery, it was a huge victory! Not falling into old habits and traps. When dealing with people from your past, whether family, an ex or someone you feel has wronged you, it is so easy to revert back to being the victim, being intimidated or just giving in. Not today, my friends, not today!

My focus remained on my children. I diverted the conversation every time it turned to him. I reminded myself that the change in MY behavior will make a difference in my life, not waiting for a change in his behavior. WIN!

Now I'm not saying it was easy, or that I wasn't shaking internally. And I'm not saying that I didn't have a moment that I wanted to run. I am saying I stood firm. I was BRAVE. I reminded myself who I am, and what I want my life to become. And that girl who was scared of everything.......she's gone. She packed up and went back where she belonged. IN THE PAST.

I pray that if you are reading this, you realize there is hope. For a future, for growth, for tomorrow. There is still time for dreams to come true, and goals to be met. I am laying this out there because I want to reach you. To the very core of you. To that place that you hide from the world, and even from yourself. I want to encourage you and be a voice for you.

Your life is just beginning. Here. Right now. You just have to WANT IT. It doesn't mean you won't struggle. Or that there won't be pain, and tears. But there will be healing. And joy. And peace.  Don't you want that for yourself??

Be brave. Be bold. Be you.

Feelings-Everyone has them..

So, this weekend had several moments of clarity. Realizing the depth of feelings for another human being is never easy-and we don't want to admit we care, because then we have to open ourselves to the possibility of hurt or rejection as well as the possibility of happiness. and all the work that comes with it.
My bravery was not in admitting the emotions I was feeling, but in admitting that they were one sided, and that I would have to move forward regardless. The moments of brave came in NOT making a phone call, or texting. It came with each moment of survival, as I waded through and faced the new day, knowing that no matter how deep the love in my heart, it was not something that would benefit my life, or my future. So, I carried on.
Breathing. It seems so simple until the moment when you can't. When something strikes you so deep within your heart that it takes your breath. I practiced the art of breathing. And going through each mundane, normal task with as much dignity and self-respect that I could muster. I braved the waves of emotions, and didn't allow a tear to fall as my heart worked on mending. And today, once again, I woke up to a new day full of possibilities.
Bravery means celebrating the small victories as well as the revelation moments. It means showing up when you would rather hide. Standing tall when you want to shrink in fear. Smiling at that person who has no idea how much damage they caused to your life. Taking the high road when you would rather slink off into the darkness of self pity and failure. This, my friends, is BRAVE.
As you go through today, remember that if you are dressed, and moving....you have achieved a moment of success.
God Bless!

Why do I do what do?

Why do I do the things I do? Because, someone out there, somewhere needs inspiration. They need to know that they aren't alone in the journey.

I am inspired by those who wear their flaws proudly, without shame. Because we are all flawed. And judging those flaws doesn't make you better, it just adds another flaw to your own list. I find that some of the folks with the biggest flaws, also have the purest hearts. The love without judgement, help without being asked, and show up every time, no matter what.

I am on a journey to be one of those folks, who is brave without realizing it, kind for no reason, and happy because I am alive. It's hard to come out of your shell sometimes, when judgment falls, but you have to!!! Live is meant to be lived, and shared, and enjoyed!! 

I hope that this post reaches someone, somewhere, who doubts their worth. Who questions the normal, sees good where none is apparent. I want to embrace the unique, hug the hopeless, and inspire the masses!!!! I know that is why I am here.

If you have to choose-choose joy!

I once walked silent

down a lonely road

seeing only dark.

It seemed to be never ending

and hopeless.

And one day, just a glimmer.

Of light.

Hope.

WOW.

That's how this journey began, and I can't WAIT to see what happens next!! Can you??

Quiet bravery

Bravery. It can inspire others. It can change your life. Taking the first step, is bravery in itself.

Today, my brave was quiet and small, but still present. Just getting up and motivating, when all I wanted to do was lay in bed, and sleep another day away. Yet, I got up, put on that pot of coffee, and got my rear in gear! I looked around at the chaos that I call home, and got to work. There is something peaceful in putting things back where they belong. Feeling the presence of Jesus walking with me as each job is finished, and knowing that these may seem small accomplishments to some, but there is something about the little things that mean the most?!

Do you wonder if you ever make a difference? I know I do. And as you bravely face the day, does insecurity creep in? Do you change your mind on what you're going to do out of fear? I have. There are so many things that I want to accomplish, and thanks to bravery, I am stepping out into a new day, and working to make a difference to those around me. We are called. Chosen if you will. And if we listen to that calling and utilize your gift, your mark on this world will live on long after you are gone.

So I challenge you today-take that step. Use that first moment of quiet bravery, and see where it takes you-God bless!

Quiet Messages

When God speaks, are we truly listening? This week I can say YES! I have had enough signs that all point in the same direction, and I am so blessed to have these amazing people inspire me! 

We are so busy living that we forget to pause. Breathe. Listen. I can say that I am guilty of worrying about everything else and rushing through the week at top speed. This week, I took a bit of time to see what God was trying to show me. Hope.  It appeared in the form of messages and phone calls from 3 very special people. And the first was a huge moment.

My brother is quite amazing. We have always been close, and grown closer as adults. But this week, I learned what I mean to him. How he sees me. And it brought a flood of tears. Because I have trouble picturing myself "good" in the traditional sense, due to life decisions gone wrong. It takes a lot to get past that, but I am working on it! My brother sees me as a light in his world, shining brightly, inspiring him. In my 46 years of life, I never imagined I meant that much to him! This knowledge made me think, and pray, and motivate! I want to take the joy his words brought, and share this light of mine with the world. Starting right now.

So the week rolls on, and on the day my blood pressure is through the roof, I get another message from a friend. We have a new friendship, so what she wrote hit my heart instantly.  "I can't get you off my mind for the last hour..Are you doing ok? Or is there anything you need?".  Only God could sent a messenger like that! I got goose bumps! And we had a chat.  Amazing, right?  Ok, so there is more to this gal, but we'll get back there in a minute!

Last night, I get a phone call from a dear friend whom I have known since high school. Same thing. She couldn't get me off of her mind, and she called me. We talked for quite a while. And the impact she has on my life, with her beautiful soul, cannot be explained. There is a presence in her that could only be the love for Jesus. And I am so blessed to add her to my story. She is truly a gift. And again, inspires me to go where He leads me.

So my friend who checked on me invited me to church. This was a different church for both of us. But I decided to go, and be open to the experience. As soon as I arrived, I knew there was something different. A peace, and joy was present that I was not familiar with. As the service progressed, I think I had every emotion under the sun. At one point, tears came, and I just let them. My friend quietly reached over and held my hand.  No words, just action.

I learned in that moment what true friendship means. No judgement, just be there, in the moment, supporting one another. What a beautiful moment that will forever live in my memory!

To close, I will just say this. Be brave. Be adventurous. Be fearless. Turn it all over to the one who made you, and everything will fall into place! God Bless!

What do you think of when you think brave? A knight in battle? A soldier? Those are definitely the traditional. Maybe you think of the child battling cancer, or giving your first public speech. Or could it be that we all have our own level of bravery-we just have to find it!

So here, on this first post,  I would love to hear your story of brave. I already know what mine is, and as my journey continues, I will share it with you!