Hopeful while struggling...

This has been one hell of a month! There have been so many ups and downs, and so many unexpected emotions, it's a wonder I am still standing!! I have cried more tears....and faced some frustration and pain that I didn't know was there until it appeared.  With that, I cannot say that my hope has vanished. It is still there, shaky but present.
You see, some things in life are tragic. And they affect us whether we acknowledge it or not. The suicide of my father left marks that will forever remain, though the pain is duller. The memory of him remains steady in my heart-every day. 
A couple of weeks ago, I was at a friends watching a movie. And in the movie, a girl put a gun to her head, and pulled the trigger. I was undone. The tears....and I couldn't breathe....I didn't anticipate this reaction. AT ALL. I have come to terms with a lot. But there is a lot of healing left to be done apparently, because that moment opened up a door to things locked away.
This doesn't make me less strong, less brave, or less capable. I think when we can admit we are affected, that is where the strength comes from! To be able to say it out loud, and admit that this awful thing happened, and that it hurt. And it still does. 
But I made it through that moment, and each day since. Continuing the journey to make this world better and show people that tragedy happens, but we can overcome.
This new person that I see in the mirror is quite a woman. She is feisty, and a little nuts, and she has bravery that comes from deep within. She overcomes every day, quietly, and with a smile on her face.
See, I have been to the darkest of places, and every day manage to see the light in this world, and in myself. I haven't given up, and I hope you don't.
Show this world love, joy, laughter, tears, and BRAVERY. You don't have to hide yourself just because people tell you to. Have the courage to be who you are, and let that be enough.

God bless!