The Dark Places...

 I must admit, I have been in a very dark place the last few days. I have allowed the pains of the past and the struggles of today creep in and steal some joy. I struggle to make peace with old hurt and daily life. I think we all have those moments. Where life is just a LOT, and we need a break. We have to take time to clear our mind, and our heart. To sort through the piles of emotion, and throw out the garbage.

I don't like where my mind has travelled in the last few hours. It is a scary place. And I admit, there have been many tears. The frustration that comes when you cannot express yourself. I was angry with myself for even feeling anything at all. I am stronger than this. So many phrases went through my mind, as I tried to grasp how I landed in this dark place, where no light shone. And I have taken a step backward in the process. 

Now, that being said, logic has crept in a bit this evening. The fact is, no one is perfect. And everyone heals at their own pace. We all have a past, and pain, and things we aren't proud of. It doesn't mean we aren't worthy of the good things. It doesn't mean that we should be isolated from the world, as if being punished. It means that we are HUMAN. We feel, we fall, and sometimes break a bit. And I did. I fell hard, and I didn't want to get up. I wanted to lay down and quit. Because it's exhausting. And heartbreaking. And frustrating. And trying to explain to those who care enough to ask, when you have no words.....

God has been with me for every step as the weeks pass. And He knows my heart. He knows what I feel. And I am working on trusting Him to bring the peace and clarity I so desperately need. I am grateful for the chance to wake up another day. To see the sun rise, and set. To hug my children.

I know that this too shall pass, and I will rise again. My armor will be dented and dinged, and my steps may be a bit shaky, but I will be standing. As I learn to live again, I know there will be many more moments of tears, but there will also be joy, and the light will come flooding back in. Bear with me, as my journey has taken many turns lately, and I need to take time to catch my breath, and process it all.

My bravery fell short this week, but I don't quit. I hope you don't either.

To be continued....

Growth...and change.

Much has changed this year. I have spent more time with doctors and hospitals than at home, I think. There is nothing scarier than hearing the word biopsy, or possible cancer, or tumor. And to explain that to your children, even harder. And yet I rose to the occasion, carried on, and survived it. Not gracefully. Not without tears. And anger.  The occasional hissy fit. But in the end, no cancer! God was with me for the entire journey, as our family took one hit after another. Two boys survived Covid-19. I survived surgery and tumor removal. We rose, we fought, and here we are. And I can say, I broke, more than once. I had moments that I truly didn't think I could carry on one more day. One more minute. One more breath. 

But I grew. And learned. And today, I continue to fight. To heal. To face the future, and enjoy the little things. Because life truly is short. We are NOT guaranteed tomorrow. And there is never enough time for love, joy, and life. We get one shot. And though sometimes it seems impossible, there is ALWAYS hope. We lose sight of that amidst all the darkness that is covering our nation right now. We forget that we can change things. But to do that, we must come together, in spite of our differences, and take steps for our community, our family, and our nation. How brave are YOU?  Do you have what it takes to take the first step towards change?  I dare you to try.

We are warriors. We are soldiers. We are fighters. And together, we can do this. I learned, that it is possible to do this life alone, but it is so much better when we join together-God didn't design us to fly solo.

So today, my version of brave is sharing this with you all. 

God Bless, until next time.