I must admit, I have been in a very dark place the last few days. I have allowed the pains of the past and the struggles of today creep in and steal some joy. I struggle to make peace with old hurt and daily life. I think we all have those moments. Where life is just a LOT, and we need a break. We have to take time to clear our mind, and our heart. To sort through the piles of emotion, and throw out the garbage.
I don't like where my mind has travelled in the last few hours. It is a scary place. And I admit, there have been many tears. The frustration that comes when you cannot express yourself. I was angry with myself for even feeling anything at all. I am stronger than this. So many phrases went through my mind, as I tried to grasp how I landed in this dark place, where no light shone. And I have taken a step backward in the process.
Now, that being said, logic has crept in a bit this evening. The fact is, no one is perfect. And everyone heals at their own pace. We all have a past, and pain, and things we aren't proud of. It doesn't mean we aren't worthy of the good things. It doesn't mean that we should be isolated from the world, as if being punished. It means that we are HUMAN. We feel, we fall, and sometimes break a bit. And I did. I fell hard, and I didn't want to get up. I wanted to lay down and quit. Because it's exhausting. And heartbreaking. And frustrating. And trying to explain to those who care enough to ask, when you have no words.....
God has been with me for every step as the weeks pass. And He knows my heart. He knows what I feel. And I am working on trusting Him to bring the peace and clarity I so desperately need. I am grateful for the chance to wake up another day. To see the sun rise, and set. To hug my children.
My bravery fell short this week, but I don't quit. I hope you don't either.
To be continued....
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