Daily Life with a New Perspective

Often we walk through our day, and we have so many expectations-of the weather, God, our jobs, and the people in our lives. We expect them to perform in a way that fits what we see for our life and our future. And when they deviate, we react. Whether it be with anger, fear, hurt...whatever the emotion, let's be honest-it's a reaction to the situation, and it is caused by our own expectation. We set ourselves up daily, when we should just change our perspective a bit. There is never going to be a day, or a situation that we can one hundred percent predict. We are not God, we cannot see the future, and people are fickle and unpredictable. 

I found myself being suffocated by my own expectations this morning. And it was hard to step outside of the situation and watch myself. I was in complete compliance with the mediocrity before me. I pretended to sleep, rather than just tell the person in my home to leave. I said "I'm fine" when I was SCREAMING inside. I decided all on my own that this was the best life was going to be, and the sooner I accepted it, the sooner I would feel joy again. Why fight it? Who says my life is supposed to be amazing anyway, right?

WRONG.

God did not design us for complacency, or laziness. We were created to accomplish more than our biggest dreams, see the world's potential, and reach for the heavens! Why would our creator give us this great big world, if we weren't meant to explore it? And dream bigger, reach higher, pray longer? I have a shirt, somewhere in my closet, that simply states "Made for this". And for a long time, I believed I was. 

Somewhere, in the course of life, and bumps and bruises, I quit. I lost the dream. That inner part of my soul, that believed I could change the world-that God CREATED ME to change it for the better, got lost in a sea of compliance with the world's standard of what life should be, what normal should be. And now, I think it's high time I got back up!

My footsteps will be slow, my voice shaky, and my will a bit weak. But the beginning is where you get your strength. The middle is where you find hope, and at the end-whether you're climbing that mountain, viewing the perfect sunset, or just walking down some stairs without stumbling-whatever you want to conquer, do that!

My time runs shorter than yesterday, so I will go for now, and take this new, unaltered perspective of mine out into the world, and just see what I can do!

That's how big my brave is today-how big is yours?

When you think you Can't

 It's been a while....and life continues to fast forward. And as the end of 2024 draws near, I reflect on all the experiences, good or bad, that have shaped this year. 

Health-we are seeing positive changes, and I am super excited to say NO SCANS, and no visits until January! PTL! I have lost 8 pounds, my hair is growing back, and the journey continues-GO ME! Without the grace of God, a couple of good friends, and my amazing doctor, I wouldn't have made it this far. After four years of tests, scans, surgery, bloodwork, specialists, and fear-I feel there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Work continues to be challenging, but I am learning to face the challenges differently, and with less fear and anxiety, and more determination. Some days I am drowning in discouragement, and other days I am on top of the mountain shouting in victory. I think we all have those days....the times I thought I couldn't, it turned out that I could.

The boys....what can I say? They are growing up, and moving into adult lives and responsibilities. Little did I dream that I would see so little of them now, but I couldn't be prouder of the men they are becoming. I pray for them, worry about them, and hold them close to my heart. I cannot imagine life without them in it. And five beautiful grandchildren too.....I had a week with my girl Meghan in July, and learned a lot about girls, and the difference between raising boys and girls. LOL She is so smart, and beautiful-I can't wait to see where life leads her.

You see, all of the things above were things I thought I couldn't do-be a mom, have a successful career, survive a tumor, become a good person....I was afraid all of my failures and mistakes were more than I could rise above. Turns out, I was so incredibly WRONG!  

Now, let me explain. We are not perfect, not one of us. But we can be led to a better place than we are, a place where "I can't" becomes "I can" and "I will". God gives us free will, to choose the life we wish. And we don't always choose the right path, but it doesn't mean that we can't start from where we are, and do better. We just have to do the work to get there, and trust HIM.

So I challenge you this week-be an inspiration, be a light, be an example of just how quickly life can turn around. 

Be BRAVE.

Change the world-even if they "don't like you"

  What? You don't like me? Why? What did I do? How can I fix it?  Do you ever find yourself slipping into that insecure moment? I do. 

Most of us like to believe that we are good people.  We are kind, help others, do the best we can, even though we fall short like everyone else. So when faced with animosity, or someone's dislike of us, we become five year old children who just want to be liked.

So what do you do when you fall into the "like me" trap? You RISE. You remember that everyone is not going to like you. You are not their flavor. And that is ok. Read that again. It is ok that everyone doesn't like you. It is ok if they don't wish to be friends. It does NOT take away from who you are. God created many personalities and many traits for a purpose. He loves you. And your haters. That is how the world works. FREE WILL folks. So rather than waste your time being hurt by temporary people, focus on the one who has created your eternity.

It is difficult to go through the storms of life, when you focus on the friends, or the job, or the things you. wish you had. But, what if, you focused on the countless blessings you have already been given? The opportunity that maybe you can't see because your vision is blurred by insecurity and doubt. 

I have believe that God put me on this earth to change the world for the better. I have been called simple minded, confused, unrealistic...so many things. And if I gave up hope, gave in and declared everyone correct, that I in fact, will never make a change, then where will I be? I don't want to waste the gifts given to me because the world says I can't. I believe I can. The discernment there is, I never said I would be famous-I said I will change the world. Now that being said, if I have changed the life of one person, I win. I believe that if we save on person from suicide, abuse, neglect, depression, defeat....we have changed this world for the better. The ripples you send might start as one tiny drop in a vast ocean of people who believe change will never happen. But if those ripples reach one, it's a start.

So, as I sit here tonight writing this, I hope you are inspired. I hope you dig up a dream and dust it off. I pray that you reach for the hand of a mighty God to lift you up, and let Him lead you to your purpose.  And I believe that if enough of the dreamers and doers come together, we can start a revolution of positive change that brings hope to many.

You are never alone. You have value. You matter.

God bless!

 Enough

I reflect inwardly tonight, as I type these words. I realize I have said some things more than once...."I have had enough", "I am done", "I can't do this anymore", to name a few. Add "I am tired" and "I am worn out" to the list. And as I read these, I realize that by saying those phrases, I have automatically defeated myself before I began. Part of the journey has been finding strength where I thought there was no more. Finding peace amidst the chaos. Finding joy when emerging from the pain. Let me tell you, this is much easier said than done. I pondered the last year, and came to the conclusion that the world has taken enough of me, and it's time to dig deeper than I ever have. It is time to rise and be the warrior God created me to be, not the failure the world is anticipating. I armed myself with God's word, prepared my heart with sincere prayer and repentance, and rose. And it's funny, when His peace and grace aren't hiding behind clouds of doubt, what a person is actually capable of.

We can go to church, raise our hands in praise, and put on a good show, but God is not fooled. He knows us, inside and out, and He isn't afraid to hurt our feelings to put us back on the path we are meant to travel. And this path, this journey that was created just for us, holds no promise of easy. It is hard, and painful, and it takes daily work. And it is training for the days when Satan is in your face, taunting you with fear, and trying to turn you away from the one who holds you close. Lean in, and reach for HIM. Cry if you must, and then LISTEN....when you feel you are alone, close your eyes, and call His name-He is always listening, and waiting eagerly to hear from YOU. 

You are loved. You are worthy. Your life matters.

#trustyourjourney

Dear God, it's Kris...

 Dear God,

I think I am failing. I keep falling, and each time, it is harder to rise. My strength is fading, and I don't know if I can keep going on the path you have chosen. What do I do? I trust you have a plan, and I believe that with you all is possible. And yet the human side of me is sometimes afraid, and doubting that I can change this world. I grow short tempered, and impatient. I say and do the wrong things. I shed tears, and at times feel completely alone. I know you believe in me, but maybe you chose the wrong person. Maybe this mission is meant for someone better, and stronger. Someone who is further in their faith and obedience. Maybe I'm just not good enough.

Any advice?

Thanks for listening. I love you.

Kris

Dear Kris,

I have made you. I know you. I chose you. Your purpose is great, and you must have faith. PRAY. BREATHE. BELIEVE. I know that there are trials. I know what lies ahead. The price has already been paid. I gave my son to the world so that sins could be forgiven. Have you forgotten? You can do ALL THINGS through Christ. Your strength lies with Him. Ask and it shall be yours. Seek me, and you will find your answers. Keep the faith, my child, and remember, you are not alone. I am always with you.

Don't quit, pray hard, and know that you are loved.

God

This is one of the conversations, that I have had more than once. I admit, I don't always get things right. I am far from perfect. But by the grace of God, when I wake up tomorrow, a new day, with a chance to get it right, will be waiting. And my strength shall be renewed. My hope lies in Him. And even when I make mistakes, when the world gets the best of me, and the darkness creeps in, He sits with me, until the light shines through. I cannot tell you what it means, to know who is holding my hand as I face each new challenge. I cannot express how grateful I am for each person He gives me along the way, and for the lessons learned. All I can tell you is that hope lives in my heart, even in my darkest hour. 

#trustyourjourney #godisinmystory #changetheworld

Once upon a time...

  This week has definitely been one of revelation, and faith on fire! 

So the story goes, once upon a time, there was a little girl who was very afraid. Of people, of change, of life, of opinions, of everything around her. She had always been afraid. As she grew, the fear grew with her. The words that hurt were planted deep, and she believed every harsh judgement- that she wasn't good enough, that she was worthless, and stupid. That she would never amount to anything. That it was impossible to love her. Weird, odd, crazy, and so many other words that were used to describe her became a firm definition of her character, and she believed them all. As an adult, adding poor decisions, trauma, and violence to the mix added another level of fear and doubt. And she believed she deserved punishment all the time for the things she had done. She saw only the dark side of herself, but never told a soul. Most who knew her at this point would say she was wild, and fun, energetic, and adventurous. They saw what she chose to show them, hiding behind the walls she had built, so no one would ever get to the places that were so scarred and hurt.  And for a few years, this worked well. She became a mom, a hard working woman and a granny. She wrote down her thoughts, and sorted through the emotions, and dug deep to find purpose and meaning. God was with her, though she had no idea how close He walked. Until now. All the years of doubt, and fear, are becoming distant memories, as she learns to lean in to her faith, trust God in all things, and leave the burdens at the cross. Jesus paid the ultimate price so that the sins of her past and present could be forgiven. She chooses to honor that sacrifice. 

As we go through life, certain experiences shape us, change us, and leave a mark. Be WE have a choice to become better, not bitter. We have a choice to love instead of hate. We have a choice to do good or do harm. There is such a bigger picture than the one we see looking out our tiny windows. There is so much that we can do to change the world, use our God given gifts, and live boldly. We weren't created to keep it to ourselves, but to share our faith, our gifts, and our testimony with the world.

Today I have put my armor on, and prepared for battle. I choose life! I choose hope, joy, and love.

We love because He first loved us.

How big will your brave be today? That is up to YOU.

All in Due Time

 Today's lesson-There is a time to talk and a time to listen. Do you know when? Sometimes, we get so caught up in hearing the sound of our own voice that we forget to listen. Listening to others is truly an art. In order to listen well, you have to first put your ego aside, and truly hear the other people in the room You might find, in fact, that your voice is not the only one that matters. In order to grow, and change, you have to listen to many voices, and actually reflect upon what you have heard. An immediate response is in fact, not always necessary. We react. Out of hurt, anger, frustration, joy, and so many emotions. And though it is not always a bad thing, if we forget the listening part, we might miss out on amazing ideas, thoughts and inspiration. So I challenge you to be brave, and be quiet. Listen to the sounds around you and draw your inspiration from that.

 Well, a couple have months have went by since I wrote, and growth continues to happen. Through setbacks, weird health issues, anger and frustration, there has also been joy, laughter, and increased faith. So we're calling it a win!

On my mind today? Many things. The success and happiness of my children, world peace, changing the world one heart at a time...sounds like a mountain doesn't it? And when we want to move mountains, where do we turn? God. Simple answer. But it's not an easy task sometimes. 

When we fall from the pedestal the world puts us on, we lose faith in ourself. Why is that? Because we are listening to the WRONG PEOPLE. We are so busy trying to do what the world expects-be the best-at our job, at parenting, being fit, trendy, and all the while, we are EXHAUSTED. When we value others opinions of us, we fail every time to meet the expectation. We are human. We make mistakes. And taking those mistakes, confessing them to God, and working on being who He designed is a good start. Listening, instead of talking. Praying instead of complaining. Taking action.

Too many times, we complain about our town, coworkers, family, friends, spouse, kids....the list goes on. And what does that accomplish? Do you feel better when you talk badly about others? Does it bring you joy? Nope! It allows you to stay stuck in a spot that is familiar. Change is impossible if you resort to the same behavior over and over. You have to take steps to change the pattern. And it starts with YOU.

I have made many poor choices in my life. Giving in to anger, holding grudges, and hurting those closest to me by remaining distant. And that did nothing more than isolate me from everything and everyone. I relied on myself, thinking that I wasn't good enough for God. I felt like I wasn't worth anyone's time or effort, and didn't deserve friendship, love, company...the list goes on. I am not particularly proud of those moments, but they are a very important part of the journey. You see, you have to lay your past to rest, and BELIEVE you are forgiven. That's not something anyone can do for you, you have to do it for yourself. And trust me when I say, dealing with your past is HARD and PAINFUL. Facing what has happened to you, facing the wrongs you have done, and then figuring out how to not go back to the same unhealthy behavior doesn't happen overnight. A wise man once told me "healing isn't linear" and he wasn't wrong. We all have our own paths to travel, but we have an opportunity to help others along the way. My journey has been a bumpy one which defined the strength, determination, and grit that I possess. But doing it alone, I don't recommend. 

I now have a chance to help others not go down the roads I traveled. To make better choices, and to believe in the good of others. You can't assume everyone is bad. You have to open your eyes and heart to the idea that maybe, just maybe, there are a few good ones left who just want to make the world a better place. 

I will say, my healing has just begun, and the journey continues to be a surprising one. But the decision to allow a few folks in the circle was a good one. I have learned to make wiser choices about who is in my circle, who I trust to be there as I am for them.

I can't finish without mentioning that part of this has been letting go-of people who aren't healthy for me, habits that lead to bad decisions, and emotions that serve no purpose. It's hard to let go of the familiar, but if you're not uncomfortable, you're not growing. 

I hope something in this inspires you, touches your heart, or at least lets you know that you are not alone. God is waiting, and He hears you.

#trustyourjourney

March has arrived! And what a busy month it is becoming! On the 5th, I was baptized in the name of Jesus, and I cannot even describe the experience.....peace, so beautiful washed over my heart. Joy filled that church as we all said AMEN! And each day is a chance to live the life He designed for me!

Now that being said, it doesn't mean it will be easy. That it will always be joyous and filled with light. It means there is always someone with me, and that I can turn to Him when the darkness comes. It is work, dedication, and most of all, A CHOICE. I actively decided to let God take the lead. He has been a force in my life for many years, but I seem to try to be in charge. It took a lot to realize that I am not writing the story. I am living the life that was planned for me before I knew. And I now have this amazing and beautiful family of sisters and brothers that are walking the path with me. They have taught me the meaning of "leaning in". Trusting Him. Sharing the struggles without shame. Listening without judgement.....and allowing others in your life and your heart, loving you where you are, not where they think you should be. For that, I am forever grateful!

As the week begins, I will have more scans, and we will see what the next step will be. I am nervous and scared, but trusting that He is with me for each moment, and that no matter what the result, I will have the strength to face it. If it's good news, then we will celebrate with ...COFFEE....LOL. And if not, we will be brave, and trust the process.

God bless you all! Remember, you are loved, you have a purpose, and you are most certainly enough.

 Well, a lot has happened in the recent months. I found myself in a darker place than I have ever been. And I wasn't sure if I would come out. I had to face some pretty serious realities in myself, my life, and my "family". And it was more painful than I had ever imagined. I found myself crying, and angry, and quite lost in this world that has become a place I no longer recognize. I was at a loss. I have always been able to "suck it up", "get over it" and "put on my big girl pants". This was ineffective. I questioned everyone around me, and their "angle" in being part of my life. I questioned my own ability to rise every day, and face the world. I no longer believed I could accomplish anything, or reach the goals I had set. And I became stuck.

Now, that being said, I never questioned God, and never quit believing He had a plan for me and my life. I begged for Him to show me the purpose of these particular struggles. What was I supposed to be learning? How did this fit into the plan? What was I missing? And yes, I had a few moments of why me and this isn't fair. Here's the good news. He met me where I was. He sent me people who weren't trying to tear me down. People who loved me in spite of the mess. Amazing humans who actually WANTED to be a part of my life, and part of my journey, no matter how hard. Cool, huh?

I am learning each day, and becoming, once again, the strong woman I was taught to be. It isn't easy, and it is definitely not pretty! I cry, and pray, and get angry. But I also find joy, peace, and inspiration. I am blessed, even when I don't know it, and for that I am grateful. I don't know how long I have on this earth, but what I do know is....I DIDN'T QUIT!! 

So tonight, if you are in a dark place, I will bring a flashlight. If you want to cry, I will sit with you until you feel better. If you feel you don't matter, I am here to tell you, YOU DO. God doesn't make mistakes, and He chose to make YOU, which means you have purpose. He loves you, so you are not alone. And even when you fall short, He waits for you to come to Him for help.

I am far from perfect, and fail Him daily. But I know what it is like to be ready to quit, and find a sign He sent, just for me, at the right moment. 

I will catch up with you all again, so until then, FEAR NOT, BE BRAVE, and GOD BLESS.

The Dark Places...

 I must admit, I have been in a very dark place the last few days. I have allowed the pains of the past and the struggles of today creep in and steal some joy. I struggle to make peace with old hurt and daily life. I think we all have those moments. Where life is just a LOT, and we need a break. We have to take time to clear our mind, and our heart. To sort through the piles of emotion, and throw out the garbage.

I don't like where my mind has travelled in the last few hours. It is a scary place. And I admit, there have been many tears. The frustration that comes when you cannot express yourself. I was angry with myself for even feeling anything at all. I am stronger than this. So many phrases went through my mind, as I tried to grasp how I landed in this dark place, where no light shone. And I have taken a step backward in the process. 

Now, that being said, logic has crept in a bit this evening. The fact is, no one is perfect. And everyone heals at their own pace. We all have a past, and pain, and things we aren't proud of. It doesn't mean we aren't worthy of the good things. It doesn't mean that we should be isolated from the world, as if being punished. It means that we are HUMAN. We feel, we fall, and sometimes break a bit. And I did. I fell hard, and I didn't want to get up. I wanted to lay down and quit. Because it's exhausting. And heartbreaking. And frustrating. And trying to explain to those who care enough to ask, when you have no words.....

God has been with me for every step as the weeks pass. And He knows my heart. He knows what I feel. And I am working on trusting Him to bring the peace and clarity I so desperately need. I am grateful for the chance to wake up another day. To see the sun rise, and set. To hug my children.

I know that this too shall pass, and I will rise again. My armor will be dented and dinged, and my steps may be a bit shaky, but I will be standing. As I learn to live again, I know there will be many more moments of tears, but there will also be joy, and the light will come flooding back in. Bear with me, as my journey has taken many turns lately, and I need to take time to catch my breath, and process it all.

My bravery fell short this week, but I don't quit. I hope you don't either.

To be continued....

Growth...and change.

Much has changed this year. I have spent more time with doctors and hospitals than at home, I think. There is nothing scarier than hearing the word biopsy, or possible cancer, or tumor. And to explain that to your children, even harder. And yet I rose to the occasion, carried on, and survived it. Not gracefully. Not without tears. And anger.  The occasional hissy fit. But in the end, no cancer! God was with me for the entire journey, as our family took one hit after another. Two boys survived Covid-19. I survived surgery and tumor removal. We rose, we fought, and here we are. And I can say, I broke, more than once. I had moments that I truly didn't think I could carry on one more day. One more minute. One more breath. 

But I grew. And learned. And today, I continue to fight. To heal. To face the future, and enjoy the little things. Because life truly is short. We are NOT guaranteed tomorrow. And there is never enough time for love, joy, and life. We get one shot. And though sometimes it seems impossible, there is ALWAYS hope. We lose sight of that amidst all the darkness that is covering our nation right now. We forget that we can change things. But to do that, we must come together, in spite of our differences, and take steps for our community, our family, and our nation. How brave are YOU?  Do you have what it takes to take the first step towards change?  I dare you to try.

We are warriors. We are soldiers. We are fighters. And together, we can do this. I learned, that it is possible to do this life alone, but it is so much better when we join together-God didn't design us to fly solo.

So today, my version of brave is sharing this with you all. 

God Bless, until next time. 

 As the year comes to an end, I reflect on the last several months. We have had outbreaks, mask debates, neighbor against neighbor and so much more. In my personal life, there have been multiple health scares, quarantine, and challenges in parenting. 

And yet, I sit here smiling. I see the colored glow of Christmas lights from my tree, as I listen to music and write my thoughts. I took a trip down memory lane as I unpacked decorations from years gone by, and ran my fingers gently over old photos of those no longer with me for the journey. I believe they are smiling down, proud of the woman I have become, who is a far cry from the rebel teen they dealt with. 

As I travel this journey, I can say for sure, that I don't always get it right. I get down, and angry, and out of line. I cry, rant, and stomp my foot at the unfairness of it all. But I also give all I have to fixing things, love others more than myself, and do my best to not to repeat past mistakes. I smile, and try to spread some joy throughout this community that I am proud to call home.

If someday, I wish to leave anything behind to be remembered, I pray it lasts for generations to come. I will do my best to leave a legacy of joy, hope, love, peace, determination, faith, and a whole lot of spunk! 

As I said, I don't always get it right....but bear with me, because I'm trying...

I will change this world for the better, one day at a time. Sit back, and enjoy the ride folks!

God Bless

🎄🎅🤶🌟💖

And the pandemic continues.....

I think we have experienced every emotion possible as this disease has affected a nation. And yet, I still see some good that has come from this. More people are spending time with family, getting out in nature, and digging deep into their faith.

My middle son has joined the National Guard Reserve, my oldest, the police academy. They are taking steps towards their future, and have been inspired to protect their community and their nation. They are taking action! And I couldn't be prouder. They have been taught well, to stand up for what is right, to protect others, and respect this country we are blessed to live in.

If only adults could see.....the social media drama is unnecessary. The bickering and name calling, the division of beliefs, and the out and out hatred....needs to stop. We are in crisis, and the only way to move forward,and survive, is to stand UNITED. What will it take? Another war? Another terrorist attack? What level of chaos are we willing to allow to happen before we get back to the basics?

Treat others as you wish to be treated.
Respect the rights of those around you, not just your own.
Take care of your community.
Do what is right.


It truly isn't that complicated. It takes integrity, honesty, and effort. By the grace of God, we will all come out on the other side of this pandemic, but it starts with you. It starts with me. It starts with two people, with different opinions, to agree to disagree and move on. Move forward. Lobby for change. Whatever you need to do for the good of your community and your country, NOT just yourself.  This is a big world, with many beliefs. Last I knew, the freedom to do that is what America was built on. And if we want to continue to enjoy this freedom, we're going to have to make some changes.

Today, it will start with me-loving my neighbor as myself, thinking of others, and doing the right thing, even if I stand alone.

What about you?
What are YOU going to do to bring unity back?

Philippians 4:13  I can do ALL THINGS through Christ, who strengthens me.

Fear is the problem, and bravery is the answer.

As the COVID-19 pandemic hits the nation, fear is running wild! I cannot believe how in just a couple of short weeks life has changed drastically! Who knew??

We create the environment we live in. And we can create whatever we choose. If we choose fear, panic and doubt will soon follow, with an unhealthy dose of chaos! People pass along their fear, and it is more contagious than the disease itself. And once you have created widespread panic, it's hard to get past it. And it blankets entire cities and counties...soon states, and then the whole country has jumped on the panic train.

The flip side is remaining calm. Creating peace. Reassuring others. Choosing to be brave as the storm hits, and digging in to get the work done! Keeping the balance in these times is tough. We all know the other way is easier, and then we can blame the disease, or the government, or whomever we choose.

We forget to find the light in the darkness. The silver lining. The joy. Tonight, I drove to the lake to witness families fishing, people playing ball with their children, or just sitting and enjoying the weather and the amazing view. And you know what? Not ONE PERSON was on a phone or device! It was a beautiful sight to see. And maybe this is the lesson we are meant to learn during all of this. Stop and enjoy the simpler side of life. Love on your family, carry a conversation face to face(from an acceptable distance), eat meals at the table....whatever you take away from this, let's make sure it's a positive thing.

Bravery is when you face the unknown, ignoring the fear and facing it head on anyway.

Life Keeps Changing

I know it's been a while, so this could be a long one! I have had so much going on these last few months, and I finally have a moment to catch my breath. I cannot express enough how grateful I am for the wonderful people in my world who inspire, support, and love me at my worst. They cheer me on, and are there for the joy and the pain. It is a whole new experience for me, to have people. To be at a place where healing happens, and the wall crumbles a bit to allow some light in!

For so long, I have closed the door, and kept the wall high, to protect myself (or so I thought) from getting hurt. But in doing that, I also kept myself from joy, peace, and LIFE! Who knew? I was convinced that going it alone was the best path, and that I could handle it. And you know what? That lonely, empty time, day after day, is more painful than getting hurt by another person ever was! There were some pretty dark days, sitting home alone. And I told myself that this is my life now, and that I was okay with that.  Once again, I was wrong.

Since I have moved into the new house, I am growing by leaps and bounds! I find happy within myself, and the simple things-sunrise, baking, writing...all bring so much peace. But I also find that I look forward to my visits with the neighbors and their beautiful daughter. I look forward to noise, and chaos and human contact. It is not saying that I don't still have a dark day here and there. It is saying that I choose to move forward, daily, and open my mind to the possibilities. I share my day with other humans, and it is good!

"Family". We all define that word differently. I choose to define it as people I love who love me back. People who I want in my world, who want me in theirs. And I am blessed enough to have that. I never really thought I "fit" anywhere, and so not making attachments made sense. But then, I learned. I grew. I found that it's okay to allow people to care about you. READ THAT AGAIN! It is OKAY to allow other people to care about you. That has been my BIGGEST lesson in 2020, and I cannot wait to see what comes next!

So how big is my brave, you ask?  BEYOND LIMITS!

Today I choose to be brave, bold, and hopeful! I love this crazy life of mine, and I will continue to trust in the journey, and celebrate EVERY step, not just the good ones! :)

Hanging on!

This week I have been hanging on by a thread....putting that best foot forward, no matter how tired, or frustrated I was. And it's not an easy task, to face your enemy, and be brave. More times than not, we want to back down. But in order to heal, you have to stand, even when your knees are shaking, and your voice is a whisper.
I found myself making some decisions, to eliminate people who are toxic to me, and to my growth as a person. It's not an easy decision to come to, but we have to face the truth. Some things we continue to go back to are bad for us. They keep us on the edge of destruction, and constantly in turmoil. And no one can move forward when they are just treading water.
The first truth to face, is the one where you admit to yourself, that there needs to be change. Once you jump that hurdle, the next one gets a little easier. But if you lie to yourself, and continue the behavior, you will continue to see destructive patterns that send you into depression, loneliness, and anger. Who needs that? NO ONE.
So I trudged on, knowing the journey was not easy, and the path was far from straight. And guess what? I made PROGRESS. I have to much to offer this world to live in self-doubt, and hide in the shadows wishing life was different.
I choose JOY. I choose HAPPY. I choose to be me, even if it means that some days I am flying by the seat of my pants, hoping I made the right choice. I hang on to that thread of hope with both hands, gripping it with all the strength and courage I have. I dig deep, and carry on, because I am a survivor, a warrior and my father's daughter. He didn't make me a quitter, he made me a FIGHTER!!!!! And fight I will.....
I hope you all find your path, find your courage, and find your bravery. Life is never predictable, but the journey is always POSSIBLE!

Hang on, and be brave-we are in this together!

God bless, and much love

Kris

Not myself....

I have lost some pieces lately. Bravery slipped away, and I fell into a dark hole. I smile at the world, but crumble inside. Those who know me well, see that the smile doesn't reach my eyes anymore. The light has dimmed a bit. And tears are a part of daily life.

I share this because someone out there may be feeling the same. And no one should have to feel this way alone.

We all struggle with something, and some are good at hiding it. I am not. I cannot pretend, or be fake. I am who I am. I go into this world as ME every single day, whatever it brings.

So for the last 48 hours, I have stayed in my house, in deafening silence, as tears come and go. It is a battle I will face, and win, because I don't quit. I stumble, I fall, I feel, I go on. I am a warrior, and I will leave a legacy that my children can be proud of. But today, I slipped. I let the heartache be felt. Because you cannot shove feelings down for too long-that destroys you. Piece by piece, and slowly, so you do not notice until you are lost.

I refuse to be lost, or accept that this moment defines me. It does NOT! It means that I am human. I am not perfect. I have flaws. And in this world of pretending, I don't fit. I cannot pretend. If it's pain, I feel it. If it's joy, I share it. I laugh out loud, and cry louder. And I don't regret any of it. My only regret, is putting my trust, giving my friendship, and sharing my soul with those who didn't deserve or EARN IT.

Learn to be stronger, and allow those who are worthy into your world. But also, be strong enough to walk away from those who aren't.

Be brave, and don't give up if you weren't. Tomorrow is another day, another chance to shine, another opportunity to change the world.

Peace and love....

A new dawn.

Bravery firmly in place today!!!

February is here, and life is moving forward-not as fast as I would like sometimes, but I am getting there!
Thoughts for today are about what defines you-and WHO defines you. I don't think a bigger house, or perfect hair is what makes you. God made you. He chose who you would be, and He loves his creation!  So HONOR THAT!!!!

Use the strengths you are given to fuel your brave! Show your compassion, your joy, your honesty. You can do great things in life, without stomping on others, being someone you are not, or stooping below what you were designed to be! Success is not measured by dollars, but by moments. When your smile stays in place, even when you want to scream. When your child becomes an amazing adult. When the tears are flowing, and you're surrounded by darkness, but you keep moving forward. All of these things show that beautiful soul inside of you! And why not share it? Scars, flaws, mistakes.....they don't matter anymore, when you accept them, and keep going-but you have to stop falling into the same patterns. You have to make a CHOICE as to what you want your life to be, and stop pinning your happiness and peace on others

Create your world. Make your peace. Decide what your definition of happy is-and DO THAT.

Bravery begins by facing your true self in the mirror, And then you find what you don't like, and CHANGE IT. You let the tears fall as you let go of what hurts, what eats away at your core....and then you RISE.

Your challenge for today-Face who you are, and what you have done. And then......

LET IT GO.

FIND YOUR KIND OF BRAVE.

God Bless!

Not so Brave today...

My bravery was quite small today. I let the world intimidate and manipulate me a bit. To the point of tears, I am ashamed to say. I let all of the people who want me to fail, get inside my head. And that is a powerful thing to fight! I know that I am stronger than that, but I needed a minute. To let go. To release the pain, and hurt, and heartbreak, and just breathe.
That being said, I want you to know that you are not alone. I feel alone almost every day, even though I am not. We all have things we have to struggle through, and sometimes we aren't quite as graceful as we would like to be. But we make it.
I share this with you, because I think honesty is so very important, in every area of life. If we aren't honest about what we are feeling, how can we get past it? Fix it? Move forward?  WE CAN"T if we are lying to ourselves. And I don't know about you, but I don't do lies. They destroy us, and the people around us. Slowly, and painfully.
So tonight, I am sharing the raw, dirty truth. I am not perfect. I am flawed, and greatly in some areas. But I don't quit. I have a moment now and again, and then I get up and fight harder. Because I don't want to become cold, and hard, and bitter. I want BETTER. There are so many people in my life right now that want me to "toughen up" or "suck it up". And there are those who take advantage of this big sappy heart of mine. But I won't let that change the woman God designed me to be. He made me this way for a reason, and I intend to find out what He has planned for me.

No man, woman, or obstacle is worth giving up. EVER.

Continue to love with all you have, reach for YOUR dreams, and trust that GOD has the plan. Don't let the world decide who you are-YOU DECIDE.  That, my friends, is bravery.

God Bless-my love to you all!

Hopeful while struggling...

This has been one hell of a month! There have been so many ups and downs, and so many unexpected emotions, it's a wonder I am still standing!! I have cried more tears....and faced some frustration and pain that I didn't know was there until it appeared.  With that, I cannot say that my hope has vanished. It is still there, shaky but present.
You see, some things in life are tragic. And they affect us whether we acknowledge it or not. The suicide of my father left marks that will forever remain, though the pain is duller. The memory of him remains steady in my heart-every day. 
A couple of weeks ago, I was at a friends watching a movie. And in the movie, a girl put a gun to her head, and pulled the trigger. I was undone. The tears....and I couldn't breathe....I didn't anticipate this reaction. AT ALL. I have come to terms with a lot. But there is a lot of healing left to be done apparently, because that moment opened up a door to things locked away.
This doesn't make me less strong, less brave, or less capable. I think when we can admit we are affected, that is where the strength comes from! To be able to say it out loud, and admit that this awful thing happened, and that it hurt. And it still does. 
But I made it through that moment, and each day since. Continuing the journey to make this world better and show people that tragedy happens, but we can overcome.
This new person that I see in the mirror is quite a woman. She is feisty, and a little nuts, and she has bravery that comes from deep within. She overcomes every day, quietly, and with a smile on her face.
See, I have been to the darkest of places, and every day manage to see the light in this world, and in myself. I haven't given up, and I hope you don't.
Show this world love, joy, laughter, tears, and BRAVERY. You don't have to hide yourself just because people tell you to. Have the courage to be who you are, and let that be enough.

God bless!

Facing YOUR Giants

Sometimes, I think we see mountains bigger than they are. And we react with fear, because we don't know how we will manage. And that sets off a chain of events, that most likely could have been avoided. We tend to believe the worst in ourselves, instead of the best. Doubt is a bravery killer!!!! And the more we doubt, the less we accomplish.

I found myself, doubting my worth, falling into a pattern of settling for less. And that's a hard rut to get out of, because it seeps into EVERY area of life. Whether it be work, family, or relationships, failure is inevitable if you continue to beat yourself up and doubt your worth.

One day(recently), I just woke up different. I know who I am(and occasionally it is a little nutty). But I am proud of where I am! I earned every moment of joy that is happening-because I know what it's like to have NONE. I know what it is like to wake up EVERY DAY without hope, or purpose. I know what heartbreak and devastation is. I lived it. And then, with the support of some AMAZING people, I found my brave!

I have a ways to go in this journey, but I finally learned that the world does not define me-I DO. And there will always be trials, and bumps, and the occasional bruise-but with hope, faith, and a new perspective, life changes. For the better.

So hang in there, and know that what you are going through, so is someone else out there. You are NEVER, EVER, completely alone!!!! Be brave, reach out, and let the world know that you need help, support, or just a hand to hold for a bit-it doesn't make you weak, it makes you BRAVE.

All my love,

Kris

Facing the World

Some days, facing the world is tough. When you're tired, broke, and overwhelmed, it's hard to find brave. It's hard to smile. To breathe. To function. Bravery is being able to admit that sometimes, life isn't picture perfect. Sometimes, we don't have it all together. It's what we do from there that constitutes bravery.
One small step, one shaky smile, one hug. Whatever it may be, just do that. Do that one thing, that shows the world you are trying. You are hanging on for dear life, because you are a warrior! You don't lay down and give up, you LOOK UP! Trust in the journey that God is taking you on, no matter what bumps you hit! Don't let the negative side of this world take over your thoughts, because that's when you miss the opportunity to grow.
I want to be able to tell others that yes, I walked through the fire and darkness, and I got singed a bit, but I made it to the other side-and oh, what beauty was waiting!!!!
So, my friends, don't quit. Pull that inner bravery out-and show the world what you are truly made of!
DEFEAT IS NOT AN OPTION!!!!!

Today I was brave, at least in my mind. I got up, and I got busy. I truly didn't want to. I wanted to sit here, and be mad at the world because things didn't go the way I planned-AT ALL. It seems like, this week, everything I touched, I screwed it up just a little(or a lot). I don't like that my mouth speaks before my mind can process things. I do not like that I am super emotional, or that the little things seem to get to me. But God made me, and He doesn't make mistakes. He has a purpose for each and every moment of my life, no matter how much I fight it.
So I got up.
I made the coffee.
I did the stuff.
I went to church.
And I came home, and cried like a baby.
I don't know why emotions overwhelm to the point of tears. I do know that I am too hard on myself, and I don't know how to stop doing that. I rise, and I fall.  I get up tomorrow, and I do it all again.
So I guess today, bravery is the fact that I am sharing this.
These things that make me who I am.
The fact that no matter what, I still feel as if I have failed.
I know that there is victory.
In my life, it comes quietly, and unexpectedly.
I know that I have amazing people in my world.
I know that my heart hurts-every day.
I know that tears come, even when I fight them.
I know that God is with me, even when I doubt Him.
And I know that tomorrow, I will dig in, and rise above.
Be brave.

As you see in this pic, the road disappears. That's when faith kicks in, and bravery begins!

Dented bravery.......

Today, it was rough. A bit of a dent in the brave department. I let negativity of others dim the light quite a bit. So tomorrow's battle will be a bit harder to fight. It's always a tough one when your emotions win. Bad luck, I can deal with that. But when it's a shot to the heart, that's a bigger battle. I can't imagine not being there for my friends and family when they need me. It's what you do when someone is hurting. Even if you're tired, or busy, or just plain don't feel like it. That's what the human connection thrives on. And I tried to reach out to "friends". And failed. Miserably. Maybe I'm not built for such things. God only knows. But when your heart falls to the floor, what do you do? You look for comfort and support. And when access to that is denied, you slip deeper into the sadness.
I don't anticipate this will last long, but I do know that some days, the tears flow. And I get tired of doing it alone. So tomorrow I will adjust the dent in my armor, and go at it again.
Because I don't quit.
Because I am strong.
Because I am brave.

Progress-trust in the process

What a couple of months we have had!

Bravery continues as I walk the road less traveled, finding brave new adventures around every corner!

I find myself, each and every day, putting to rest the past. And actually being excited about the future and what it holds. To see light shining in places that were once dark, that is progress! The world looks different than it did a few months ago, and bravery played a part in that. Gathering up courage and taking the leap to start a new career, and praying for the strength to follow it through has been a process. And proudly, I can say I am doing it! One step, one moment, one task at a time. With help from an amazing group of people who I respect and look to for guidance. In the short time they have been part of my world, I have seen grace, courage, persistence, determination, and BRAVERY. They face things daily that we don't know, and they continue to show up, and give everything they have to this community, with the hope of improving it. And they face obstacles at every turn! But they carry on because they believe in what they are doing, and look towards the future with HOPE. That is the definition of bravery for today! I am honored to be a part of this team. I cannot wait to see where we go, and what we can accomplish-together.

So if you think today that you cannot do something-think again! Life is full of curve balls, and bumps in the road. Don't stop there, just because it seems impossible. Climb the mountain and see what it looks like when you get to the top. I guarantee, your perspective will have changed by the time you get their.

So the question remains, HOW BIG IS YOUR BRAVE???

Take care, and God Bless!

Small World

Today, I went with a friend to see her mother, who resides at a nursing home. And little did I know that the world would come full circle. It turns out, I had known her mother several years before, and gotten great words of advice and wisdom! Who knew this trip would remind me of some very valuable teaching? I hadn't thought of this advice in a while, and as I sat at home after my friend left, I reflected on the journey. What kind of bravery did it take for her to ask me into this part of her life? And courage? To share this part of life is sometimes difficult, and I am honored that she chose me.

I had spent the weekend alone for the most part, and some painful things had happened. And I was working through the pain. Slowly, and with many tears.

Going with my friend brought more tears, and joy, and conversation that was, well....to say life altering doesn't even seem to cover it! This woman's faith and strength amaze me every time we are together. She has faced many things, just as I have. And I can only hope to learn to carry the burdens a bit more gracefully. It's a work in progress, as always.

So my bravery today came. Quietly, almost tiptoeing into the room. Mostly because I wasn't paying attention-at first. Today's moment came at the end of it all. That moment when I realized, I am still standing...and breathing....and smiling through the tears. Because today, I saw God working on me in a way I didn't expect. He gave me a burden, and toughened me up a bit! He showed me that I am stronger every day, in faith and in courage. It doesn't take a genius to figure out that He is turning me into a warrior! And there is beauty in that. Not everyone can face life or take on what has been put in front of them-but I continue to do so with a smile on my face and love in my heart. I don't lose the love and joy, just because of a moment. And I don't quit. Ever.

So, here it is. Another day closing. Another door shut. And tomorrow, a new possibility will rise with the sun....challenge accepted? I say YES!

May you always remember that the biggest trials, the painful heartaches, the moment where the world shuts you out......maybe it's because there is something greater on the horizon-so don't quit! Keep moving towards the light, and walk with a purpose. We all are put here for a reason. Find yours.

A new journey!

So, today was a new kind of brave. I left the career of the last 28 years. Completely changing what I will be doing. And scared to death. The bravery came when I walked away with a smile, knowing that I have made a difference. The people I have cared for, and the people I have worked with have changed me. For the better. I have learned compassion, empathy, tolerance, dignity........the list goes on. I found myself at the crossroad, and for once in my life, I didn't RUN. I stood my ground, held my head up, and walked tall(as tall as you can be at 4'10"). I stepped out into the sun, and let the joy wash over me. What a glorious new beginning....and it felt AMAZING! I give God the glory, because He sends me where he needs me. And I follow, because I trust in HIS plan, not my own. Life throws us many things, and we can face them, or we can hide. That's where bravery whispers....you can do this. It is your time. You are strong and fearless. You are BRAVE.

Stay tuned....can't wait to see what comes next!!!

Fearless - [Lyric Video] Jasmine Murray

Victory-it comes in small doses.

So in today's journey towards bravery, it was a huge victory! Not falling into old habits and traps. When dealing with people from your past, whether family, an ex or someone you feel has wronged you, it is so easy to revert back to being the victim, being intimidated or just giving in. Not today, my friends, not today!

My focus remained on my children. I diverted the conversation every time it turned to him. I reminded myself that the change in MY behavior will make a difference in my life, not waiting for a change in his behavior. WIN!

Now I'm not saying it was easy, or that I wasn't shaking internally. And I'm not saying that I didn't have a moment that I wanted to run. I am saying I stood firm. I was BRAVE. I reminded myself who I am, and what I want my life to become. And that girl who was scared of everything.......she's gone. She packed up and went back where she belonged. IN THE PAST.

I pray that if you are reading this, you realize there is hope. For a future, for growth, for tomorrow. There is still time for dreams to come true, and goals to be met. I am laying this out there because I want to reach you. To the very core of you. To that place that you hide from the world, and even from yourself. I want to encourage you and be a voice for you.

Your life is just beginning. Here. Right now. You just have to WANT IT. It doesn't mean you won't struggle. Or that there won't be pain, and tears. But there will be healing. And joy. And peace.  Don't you want that for yourself??

Be brave. Be bold. Be you.

Feelings-Everyone has them..

So, this weekend had several moments of clarity. Realizing the depth of feelings for another human being is never easy-and we don't want to admit we care, because then we have to open ourselves to the possibility of hurt or rejection as well as the possibility of happiness. and all the work that comes with it.
My bravery was not in admitting the emotions I was feeling, but in admitting that they were one sided, and that I would have to move forward regardless. The moments of brave came in NOT making a phone call, or texting. It came with each moment of survival, as I waded through and faced the new day, knowing that no matter how deep the love in my heart, it was not something that would benefit my life, or my future. So, I carried on.
Breathing. It seems so simple until the moment when you can't. When something strikes you so deep within your heart that it takes your breath. I practiced the art of breathing. And going through each mundane, normal task with as much dignity and self-respect that I could muster. I braved the waves of emotions, and didn't allow a tear to fall as my heart worked on mending. And today, once again, I woke up to a new day full of possibilities.
Bravery means celebrating the small victories as well as the revelation moments. It means showing up when you would rather hide. Standing tall when you want to shrink in fear. Smiling at that person who has no idea how much damage they caused to your life. Taking the high road when you would rather slink off into the darkness of self pity and failure. This, my friends, is BRAVE.
As you go through today, remember that if you are dressed, and moving....you have achieved a moment of success.
God Bless!

Why do I do what do?

Why do I do the things I do? Because, someone out there, somewhere needs inspiration. They need to know that they aren't alone in the journey.

I am inspired by those who wear their flaws proudly, without shame. Because we are all flawed. And judging those flaws doesn't make you better, it just adds another flaw to your own list. I find that some of the folks with the biggest flaws, also have the purest hearts. The love without judgement, help without being asked, and show up every time, no matter what.

I am on a journey to be one of those folks, who is brave without realizing it, kind for no reason, and happy because I am alive. It's hard to come out of your shell sometimes, when judgment falls, but you have to!!! Live is meant to be lived, and shared, and enjoyed!! 

I hope that this post reaches someone, somewhere, who doubts their worth. Who questions the normal, sees good where none is apparent. I want to embrace the unique, hug the hopeless, and inspire the masses!!!! I know that is why I am here.

If you have to choose-choose joy!

I once walked silent

down a lonely road

seeing only dark.

It seemed to be never ending

and hopeless.

And one day, just a glimmer.

Of light.

Hope.

WOW.

That's how this journey began, and I can't WAIT to see what happens next!! Can you??

Quiet bravery

Bravery. It can inspire others. It can change your life. Taking the first step, is bravery in itself.

Today, my brave was quiet and small, but still present. Just getting up and motivating, when all I wanted to do was lay in bed, and sleep another day away. Yet, I got up, put on that pot of coffee, and got my rear in gear! I looked around at the chaos that I call home, and got to work. There is something peaceful in putting things back where they belong. Feeling the presence of Jesus walking with me as each job is finished, and knowing that these may seem small accomplishments to some, but there is something about the little things that mean the most?!

Do you wonder if you ever make a difference? I know I do. And as you bravely face the day, does insecurity creep in? Do you change your mind on what you're going to do out of fear? I have. There are so many things that I want to accomplish, and thanks to bravery, I am stepping out into a new day, and working to make a difference to those around me. We are called. Chosen if you will. And if we listen to that calling and utilize your gift, your mark on this world will live on long after you are gone.

So I challenge you today-take that step. Use that first moment of quiet bravery, and see where it takes you-God bless!

Quiet Messages

When God speaks, are we truly listening? This week I can say YES! I have had enough signs that all point in the same direction, and I am so blessed to have these amazing people inspire me! 

We are so busy living that we forget to pause. Breathe. Listen. I can say that I am guilty of worrying about everything else and rushing through the week at top speed. This week, I took a bit of time to see what God was trying to show me. Hope.  It appeared in the form of messages and phone calls from 3 very special people. And the first was a huge moment.

My brother is quite amazing. We have always been close, and grown closer as adults. But this week, I learned what I mean to him. How he sees me. And it brought a flood of tears. Because I have trouble picturing myself "good" in the traditional sense, due to life decisions gone wrong. It takes a lot to get past that, but I am working on it! My brother sees me as a light in his world, shining brightly, inspiring him. In my 46 years of life, I never imagined I meant that much to him! This knowledge made me think, and pray, and motivate! I want to take the joy his words brought, and share this light of mine with the world. Starting right now.

So the week rolls on, and on the day my blood pressure is through the roof, I get another message from a friend. We have a new friendship, so what she wrote hit my heart instantly.  "I can't get you off my mind for the last hour..Are you doing ok? Or is there anything you need?".  Only God could sent a messenger like that! I got goose bumps! And we had a chat.  Amazing, right?  Ok, so there is more to this gal, but we'll get back there in a minute!

Last night, I get a phone call from a dear friend whom I have known since high school. Same thing. She couldn't get me off of her mind, and she called me. We talked for quite a while. And the impact she has on my life, with her beautiful soul, cannot be explained. There is a presence in her that could only be the love for Jesus. And I am so blessed to add her to my story. She is truly a gift. And again, inspires me to go where He leads me.

So my friend who checked on me invited me to church. This was a different church for both of us. But I decided to go, and be open to the experience. As soon as I arrived, I knew there was something different. A peace, and joy was present that I was not familiar with. As the service progressed, I think I had every emotion under the sun. At one point, tears came, and I just let them. My friend quietly reached over and held my hand.  No words, just action.

I learned in that moment what true friendship means. No judgement, just be there, in the moment, supporting one another. What a beautiful moment that will forever live in my memory!

To close, I will just say this. Be brave. Be adventurous. Be fearless. Turn it all over to the one who made you, and everything will fall into place! God Bless!

What do you think of when you think brave? A knight in battle? A soldier? Those are definitely the traditional. Maybe you think of the child battling cancer, or giving your first public speech. Or could it be that we all have our own level of bravery-we just have to find it!

So here, on this first post,  I would love to hear your story of brave. I already know what mine is, and as my journey continues, I will share it with you!